May 3, 2013

Does Divorce Ever End?

Yvette and I had our last hearing over the property settlement for our divorce yesterday. It was nothing spectacular, but it did get me thinking.

We’re divorced. As much as I would like us to get back together, I really don’t think that’s going to happen.

Yvette and I have chosen different courses of action. Once you choose a course, you develop commitment to it and you build up mental momentum around it. This is why kids and adults alike sometimes stick to a lie even when the proof is right in front of them.

So where does divorce end? Or does it end at all? This is where the effort at getting happy comes in.

No question, divorce is a bad thing. I don’t think it matters which side you’re on. My guess is that Yvette and I both have hurt feelings. But none of this means it has to keep on being bad. You can learn something from a bad situation, then use that lesson to make other things better.

Yes, the process of divorce ends. But I think – if we’re smart – if I’m smart – what I learn from this never comes to an end.

Yvette and I were together for 3 1/2 years, and it has been another six months since this all started. I’ve learned a lot about how people think in this time. And especially about what happens when people are willing to be accountable, and when they’re not willing to be accountable. With that goes strategies for coping with both types of people.

Do you see how something that’s bad is becoming something I can use for getting happy?

I may never have the opportunity to reconcile with Yvette. If that’s the case, then I have to expect someone else is going to come into my life. Either way, making the effort to learn from my experiences makes me better prepared to be successful in a relationship.

Maybe I sound like I’m full of crap, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel very definitely stupid for not having recognised something like this while we were married. I can’t say Yvette and I would have stayed together because we have opposing views of what is right and wrong. But I think it would at least have made our coming apart much less difficult.

Like all situations, yes divorce ends. It is the lessons we learn that go on. They move us toward getting happy, fulfilling our chosen purpose.

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